I did love you...

“I loved you, and I still do…but, you would never understand this; you low down bastard! I’m sorry things had to end the way they did, but how stupid of you…you never understood! Just stuck to your infantile ways of thoughts, why…God damn it, tell me why the fuck are you so stupid? I hate you and I loathe your existence!

Who gave you the authority to destroy everything? …Temme!

 I loved you…but what did you give me in return? Nothing, just a series of failed promises! Answer me, you ever grief stricken moron…tell me now…do I  still keep waiting for you? No, I cannot.

I have moved on, and its because you failed me. You are the one who flopped in your implications. You just said, but never proved your point…so I moved on!

My parents hate you, and more than them; I hate your existence. Don’t lie down here, answer me…answer my questions, you retarded son of a bitch ( I slapped him hard!).

 Tell me, why did you do this to me, why …just why…just to prove that you are a man?

(I spat on his face.)

Yeah, its convenient…sure it is, only for  you…you moron!

I left you, I told you…I didn’t love you anymore. Why did you not understand, that it was over…it was over cause you didn’t deserve me. You never deserved me; not now… not ever.

Hear me out, loud and clear… you are no more than just a bloody coward; yes, you are. Hear me loud..you are a bloody coward!

You know what, good you shot yourself; cause a coward like you just has no reason to live.

Listen to me…I know, you can hear me…God damn it, listen to me when I’m talking to you…you piece of dead shit.

Talk to me…talk to me now. What; all of a sudden Is it so difficult for you to open your mouth, and speak to me? Some big lover you are,eh? Yeah, you got a big manhood to satisfy the whores, haaan? Come on, get it up, get your fucking cock up… bastard! Come on, lets do it right here. Do me right now, again! What? Now I’m suddenly not good enough for you?

 Get up, and face me you scoundrel…talk to me. All this while, you wanted to talk to me right? I’m here, in front of you…(slapped hard) why are you quite now? Talk… oh you can’t. How can you, rather why would you? Its best, to just lie down and pretend to be dead! You are a coward, heard me right…you are a coward!  

What? Now you don’t find me sexy enough? You don’t want to kiss me? I dare you, rip my clothes apart and make love to me. If you don’t wanna do anything, why did you bring me here? Tell me Oni, why are you lying on the floor, stained in blood…temme why? Don’t, just lie down there all motionless…answer me, for god’s sake tell me why did you do this to me?

You destroyed me! Now, do you realize why I broke off from your clutches? You were a tyrant Oni, a monster…that’s all you are & that’s what you could ever be! Temme, how can a monster love a person? He can’t..he can never! You prison-ed me to satisfy your needs and nothing else.

You don’t care about anyone, do you? Tell me something honestly; does your family even matter to you? Naah…they don’t. How could I expect you to respect me, leave my family; when the only person who’s important to you is yourself and none!

Now I realize how vacuum like were your claims of courtship! I have seen you reports, all the psychiatric analysis and fancy stuff, but you know what? I don’t even pity you. Why would I? All you are, is a bundle of self absorbed narcissist! No one matters, to you, but yourself! Yeah, you are a nut case and nothing more.

You wanted to know, why I broke up with you? I will tell you. But do you have the guts, to hear the truth? Yeah…good, then hear up…listen carefully to every word that I say!

I fell out of love for you. Why?... cause you were never here when I needed you. Yes, you heard me right…you were never there for me.

I sat in a coffee shop all alone, talking to you on the phone, but where you there? No, you weren’t! Just your words; spinning a web of imagination all around me, tying me into the treachery of your absence. Sure you knew if I wanted a cappuccino or mocha, but why wouldn’t you? We had spent years together. The sad part is, how long it took for me to actually realize the real monster that you are!

 Aaah! Now the word “we” causes a ripple deep inside is it?

When will you accept, that all you are is but a loser! Your dad’s business is of no concern to you. You are just hiding away from your failures! You spineless prick, be man enough once in your life. Stop pretending to be dead, cause I know you are not. I know you can hear me, every word that I say…its audible to you(Slap on the face). Get up, talk to me you filthy scum bag.

 Now you don’t want to get up is it? Fine, lay there…stay there as a piece of dead meat, cause that is all that you mean to me. Nothing more!

U think you are Super Man? Let me give u the ground reality…you are just a filthy and pathetic zero, rather let me rephrase… you are nothing more than just a negligible insect of no prevalence. Reality is a hard fact to bite, but face it you piece of shit…cause that is what your reality is!

Grow up Oni! U and me, we are very different people. What we shared was beautiful, but it’s over now !

Please get up, come to your senses. You can’t win me back with this drama. It’s over! I’m really tired of this nonsense. Why can’t you just understand, I am over you!

I have moved on and I’m happy with my guy!

Let it go Oni. Stop fighting the reality of facts. I have a new guy, and I am happy with him. You are just my past and nothing more! So please, for the love of God be happy…try finding someone for yourself and just leave me alone. Don’t be quite, say something!”

“Who are you guys? What are you doing here?”

“ Ok! Listen it’s ok! Me and him, we just had a little fight, all is good so let us be!”

I didn’t understand why the people in khaki and white’s wrapped me in a piece of cloth and took me away.

Oni was still in the room. He was bleeding. He lay there, on the floor…motionless. I didn’t wanna leave…but they forced me out of the perimeter.

“ I swear Oni, I didn’t wanna leave you, never then…never now! But somehow I was forced to!”

They cleaned my wounds and injected me with anesthetics. It was strange; inside the van they kept asking me if I was ok. I told them I was fine, but you needed help. I knew you were hurt, and I wanted to help you! I told them, that you were bleeding and lay on the floor motionless. I begged them to help you but they would just not listen, as if it were all absurd!

I was Ok, but you were hurt. I saw you bleeding. Your white shirt was tainted red with blood stains. You were dying Oni, and I knew it.

 You stay put my love, I promise you I won’t let you die.

I was losing my senses, and my vision had started to blur; I guess what you did and the effect of the medication was finally taking its toll on me!

The last thing I remember were their words, “you will be fine!” when they carried me away in the white van with a blue siren.

I opened my eyes in a very different surrounding. You weren’t there, but Ma, Papa and Bhai were present. Oni, they had pinned your baby with numerous no. of needles that were connected to drips.

It wasn’t your fault, but the expression on my family’s face was tensed! They were worried.

I asked them, where were you and if you were ok? But they just grew angrier, but never answered. I was feeling weak, what did you do to me Oni?

The look of distress on Dads face, turned into a somber anger. He couldn’t hold back, he ranted out loud, “That bastard did this to you, and all your concern is about that man?”

“He’s dead, rightfully in the morgue.”

He was disturbed and it was obvious. The doctors and officials left the room on dad’s request.

“You are in a trauma kid. And I don’t want to pile on to this situation. I promise you hun, I and Ma..all are with you.” He hugged me and kissed my forehead. Ma was too much in tears and a state of shock to say a word.

When the visiting hours were over, I was left alone to myself. As I rested my head on the pillow to gather the thoughts of events, which lead to all of this…I remembered you!

You didn’t rape me, but why did you violate me and my honor? I allowed you to be close, but you why did you cross the boundaries?

I shivered as the horrors of the night spent, flashed in my mind. The dinner, the drive, our kiss and everything that followed…I saw it all coming back to me. May be the world can never forgive him and his misdeed, but I did. Deep down I knew, what i made him go through.

I tried to close my eyes, when his last words echoed …” I love you”.

May be we could have had another chance, only if he hadn’t pulled the trigger!


PS: All characters and incidents in the plot are fictitious. Any resemblance to a any person or situation in the past, present or future is purely coincidental.