I wanted to be alone tonight! Left to myself without any “is everything ok?” statements. I wanted to escape the rabble of bemused thoughts…I was in pain and I didn’t want the world to know! I had broken down today, and it was my fault!
I gave up the most wonderful thing and experience of my life for nothing. I was so stupid, people could convince me into believing the facts of their pathetic little derelict lives. Now the damage was done, and it could not be undone!
On this day, two years ago I called it quits! And coincidence had found the perfect reprisal!
He was an amazing guy..loved me more than even my folks did! He was there, every time I needed him and even when I didn’t! He was a free spirit, yet I was his home! And I loved him crazy. My friends and family never approved of his ways, but they never knew the person that he was! He was my Hero..quite the Romeo from the pages of a romantic novel! My friend, guide and crazy philosopher!
I was growing no young…and my parents had their biggest obligation to fulfill…’my marriage’! They eventually won into convincing me, that ‘he’ was a wrong choice! We eventually parted ways! He didn’t fight, argue or even raise hell! For the first time I saw tears in his eyes as he left quietly. Been a long time since then, and I haven’t heard his voice! I had killed him and I knew it!
I had changed; in the name of ‘getting over’…I partied harder than ever before! Innumerable trips to tourist destinations reduced my Co. leaves and those extravagant shopping spree had emptied my savings! Flings were emotionally painful and physically perfidious. I was a new ‘me’! I was fighting loneliness…but to be honest, it was my irrationality, my lack of courage to stand for what I believed I was at war with! …It was a crusade against my inner beliefs! I had convinced myself to believe that I was prerogative!
A bride is not left alone/unattended on the “most important night” of her life! People tried to calm me from this supposed ‘cold feet’ situation. My fiancé would drop in a few notes of love, to ensure I was at ease! My parents have managed to hook a nice groom..well settled, with a hefty pay cheque! I guess that’s the first criterion for selection in an arranged marriage; rest of the things can fall in place when the most important criterion was met! This chaos of concern, joy, excitement and celebration of everyone present was appalling. But this time I couldn’t run away!
My marriage was a grand celebration…everyone was happy! Yes, almost everyone…
…we returned to our suite! For the first time I was alone with this man who was now my husband! As the lights grew dim…I wondered to myself,” is this the retribution of social norm’s ?”... He came closer, and a drop of tear rolled down my cheeks!!
PS: No words this time…enjoy your drink guys! Cheers!!
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