Has it ever occurred that a simple mathematical subtraction has made your logical reasoning go blank. Well, I understand doesn’t happen usually…but how difficult can it be to calculate a change of Rs. 10 for a packet of cigarettes, when u paid a Rs. 100 bill!! I’m not stupid!! Now, let me throw a little light to the circumstance. Imagine, u just crossed a heavy traffic to hit the cigarette Vendor just round the corner and u receive a phone call.
A no. not updated in your phonebook; a voice long forgotten yet vividly etched deep in your brain that your ears can never, not recognize! Now my stupidity makes sense?
It was over 3 years now, and I haven’t heard her voice since then! It was surprising…the kind u just fail to classify. Good, pleasant, “why the f*@k are u calling!”, “oh..its u,ok!” …just can’t place it in the usual bracket. It’s like a cocktail of every opposite emotions, stirred and served in a shot glass to be gulped at one go!!
Well, she had changed her no.; so that would explain why she never heard my frustrations.
I trembled, when I heard, “hello! How are u?”..froze to numbness as the temp. dropped below -250 !I adhered to my courtesy protocol. The formal conversation made both feel at ease.
Does it happen generally that one’s hit by a bolt from the blue?
She was getting “married” to her boyfriend ! And I, out of everyone on her friend’s list was the best one to start off with the invitations? “Congratulations!”, that’s the best I could manage.
While she tried to squeeze the gist of the last 3yrs of her life in a nut shell, I just failed to register any word she spoke. Why did she still hang on to my phone no. ? And even if she did, why on earth would she call me only now and never even once along the time gone by? What sense does it make to call me to her wedding? Has she lost all her sense of reasoning or she just wants to make me feel even worse?
She sounded happy, and somehow I couldn’t muster the courage to disconnect the call! I couldn’t take it. I bled inside, her words felt like an assortment of a million sharp micro razors ripping my heart simultaneously! She had no clue, how or what I was feeling!
How can people be so mean, this unjustified and this clueless and above all so super selfish? I listened to everything she said, it made my eyes moist. I’m certain a couple of tears did manage to trickle down my cheeks. I was burning inside; wanted to run away…but I stood still. Not anymore; I was crying like a 2 year old kid who just lost his favorite toy but only silently. She went on and on..i couldn’t stop her from killing me more!
Wait, there’s something unusual! Did I hear her sobbing! Yes, she was… she had finally dropped her defense and super cool image! She burst out, didn’t even pretend that she was ok!
Took 3 years for her to understand what she had lost! I wasn’t just her boyfriend..but her best friend. A buddy she could always count on. Who never gave up on her, even when the odds stacked against her. Heard every stupid thing that the vodka spirited mind could invent. The dreams, the ambitions, the weirdest philosophies, life in whole… I was always there… and she missed me! She missed her best friend! She wanted to hold me close... wanted me to tell her what to do…
“ I am sorry, I’m so god damn sorry for everything. I missed u..missed you crazy..missed u a lot, these years have been crazy without you. I wished we didn’t have to go through all of this to understand you are so important to me! I have been bad to you, but you never let me down; I’m grateful to you for being there, for being such an important part of my life.. you have made me the person that I am today. I Love you man!”
The last part just transmitted 10k plus volts across me. I was dumbstruck!
She regained her defenses…”thank you for being my best friend! Thank you for everything! Thank you for today!”
Before hanging up she got my mailing address!
I couldn’t say more or emote any further… a certain degree of warmth helped me light up the dangling ciggy held between my lips! I had kept my promise…a promise that I would always be there… be there for her! No matter which dimension of relation I was in…I would be there!
PS: I guess not all promises are meant to be broken!
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